Words

"Words, they'll try and break you. Don't let them shake you or stop your world from turning. When words keep you from feeling good, use them as firewood and let them burn." -Words by Train

Id like to think the power of what you say is unlimited. The words you say today have the potential to change the way people think tomorrow. Words have endless potential, actually. Thats one of the reasons I love writing. I'm so much better at expressing my thoughts and getting my point across through words. In fact, speaking is really hard for me. I talk really fast and animatedly so I stumble over my words, use words that don't mean what I think they do, and sometimes pause for several seconds trying to think about what I was talking about to begin with. Because I legitimately forget. In the middle of a sentence. I'm horrible at talking. Really, I am. So writing is my fall-back. I'll be the first to admit it. I like arguing, complimenting, talking in general, really, better in text messages, chat messages, or letters so much more. I think this is the case for two reasons. One being I'm really not capable of arguing without messing up my sentences and then getting angrier. And because then I can't see the affect of my words. Especially in an argument. I won't be there to see them sting, even though I know they still will. Lately, I've been involved in a lot of that. I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, do not like hurting people. I don't like saying mean things. I don't like hurting feelings. I don't like swearing at someone. I don't like it. Contrary to popular belief, I really don't. So unfortunately, sending my words in a long text message or an inbox or a wall post allows me to no longer see the affect of my words. No bueno, chicos. Because now, I say so much more. So much more horrible cruel things that in the heat of the moment I really don't mean. Now I have to brave the punishment of my actions. You see, words have so much more power than we think. We use words to seal a marriage ("I do!" anyone?). We use words to express love, hate, and sadness. We use words for comfort and sometimes we use them to do damage because we're hurt and we don't know what else to do to deal with those emotions. I think that we need to use our words more wisely. As insanely stupid and ridiculous as that sounds, I want to try. I want to try and think about what I say. And I want to try and save words that could be used to hurt someone, to help them.

Who says you're the only one thats hurting?

With this recent crisis in Japan (that I really am following, closely) I've kind of started to think of the big picture. I'm already annoyed with high school drama. After this school year, will it matter who's dating who? Will it matter that so and so talked behind your back? Will that Facebook argument really make a difference in the grand scheme of your life? I really feel like we all focus too much on ourselves. Even me. We worry about the silliest stuff that in the grand scheme of things really will not affect us in 2 years, 5 years, or 15 years. These problems are all so tiny. Not many of us have to worry about whether we get fed or get clean water to drink. Not that many of us worry about having a place to sleep or being warm at night. I think we should help people. People who do have to think about these things on a daily basis. If I had the option, I would travel to places that needed help. Japan or Africa. I want to build houses, prepare food for people in shelters, and maybe even teach children. I really really want to make a difference in this world; make an impact.

The Future Possibilities

I am such a girl. Lately, all I think about is the future and getting the heck out of Missouri.

Truthfully, Missouri isn't a horrible place to be raised. I've always felt safe and content. The problem with safe and content is that its boring. I'm not asking for danger, but for something to DO. There's nothing here that you haven't already done 1000x. Bowling? Done. Teen dances? Done. Community center pool? Done. Movies? I've seen so many, and its a waste of money to go every weekend. Not to mention, the weather here is horrendous. Yesterday it was snowing and icing, today it was 60 and sunny. Whaaa? I need consistency and sun and storms all year around. And where is that, you ask? Beautiful and sunny Florida! I've dreamed of living there my entire life. We've visited a decent portion of my 16 total summers to see my grandma, and I'm in love with it. Its fantastic. It storms most days, just little storms that pass quickly. But all the same. Storms are storms, and storms are beautiful. Its warm, even during the winter. No winter is something I definitely would love!

All I can daydream lately is moving to Florida, buying a little pink house, and forgetting this boring state where I can't seem to fit in or do a single thing right. I want to buy this house to be by myself and paint, read, and work as a vet. All things I enjoy. I'll have as many animals as I can handle. Turtles, exotic lizards, and exactly two dogs. A Yorkie named Bear (ironic, huh?!) and a Border Collie named Sadie. I'm *slightly* allergic to cats, and I hate birds. So..they're kind of out. I'll have orange trees in my backyard and a screened in porch so I can read outside while it rains. A pool would also be appreciated, but not required. I know that if I set my mind to it, my dreams can come true. I want so badly to be in Florida, every day. If I work and work at it, I'll get there eventually. And I promise, I'll never be happier. <3

Butterfly Kisses

So, this is my first post and I'm very excited! I plan to use this blog to just share my thoughts on my world, or the  ENTIRE world in general, without judgement or too many opposing opinions. The blogs title comes from a picture I found on Tumblr, listing all the things being a teenage girl is about and her average thoughts and feelings. Thats what I want this blog to be. Just my ideas and takes on life itself. Feel free to comment, or don't read it at all. Its up to you. :) (but if I were you, I'd read it!)

Tonight I thought a lot about getting a tattoo. And I'm becoming really sure that I want a Monarch butterfly on my left hip, colored and all. Monarchs were a huge part of my childhood. We used to order them in the mail as caterpillars and watch them grow and turn into butterflies. Which I named Sarah. Yeah, I named every single one of them Sarah. I was like 7, give me a break. I honestly didn't even know they were Monarchs. I ran around calling them "Sarah's!" all the time. :) and I used to think they were the most beautiful things out there. And when we moved here from our house in the country, I never really saw them anymore. And we stopped ordering them. Recently though, I've wanted to order more. Its the kid in me, what can I say?! I'm still possessed with the idea of something so simple and common turning into something delicate and beautiful. I see these transformations in life more and more. How a storm can rip the sky in two, but afterwards things remain the same and we see a rainbow to let us know life goes on. And (how cheesy!) two people can meet and create something fantastic. How one person can save the life of another. To me, it all comes back to my butterflies and a time when things were wonderful and simple and "Sarah's" were abundant around my swing set and on the flowers in my 3 acre yard; letting me know that things were calm and how they were supposed to be.