This Ain't Goodbye

"You and I were friends from outer space; afraid to let go. The only two who understood this place and as far as we know, we were way before our time, bold as we were blind. Just another perfect mistake, another bridge to take on the way to letting go. This ain't goodbye. This is just where love goes when words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold. Oh no, this ain't goodbye. It's not where our story ends, but I know you can't be mine. Not the way you've always been. But as long as we've got time, then this ain't goodbye." -Train

Okay, I'm taking a break from telling stories for this week. Some things have kind of gone on this past week and I feel like I owe people explanations; letters. It's senior year for so many of us. Things are starting to change, people are going separate ways, and we start planning our future. I should probably mention that I hate goodbyes. I can't find a definite reason why; I just truly hate the realization that you're separating yourself from someone else for a period of time or even permanently. These letters are to people I'm either forced to say goodbye to this year or to people who I didn't want to separate from but I realize that it's what's best.

Individual #1, You have come to be my very very best friend. Like I've told you before, I can be my complete self around you and you don't judge me at all. Even my horrible singing abilities. Unfortunately, our dreams are going to separate us for a little while. We're both moving out of state. It really sucks. BUT. We're going to keep it together, promise! (#nohomo) And I'll always be there to support you; and I know you have my back too!

Individual #2, I will always always always consider you my best friend. And you will always have a place in my heart; whether you chose to take that position or not is up to you. Some circumstances have separated us this year. I don't think either of us intended to grow this far apart. I sure didn't want us to. Reality is, though, that we did and I hope that one day, things will change. We've been friends for a long time and you're right. I don't understand. I don't understand why we can't all be friends. I don't understand what brought us this far apart. And I don't understand what it will take to make things right. Things just have to work out on their own, I suppose. Just know, through everything, I'm still here if you need me.

Individual #3, I kind of saw this coming. Situations like this are always tricky. Here's the bottom line though: You don't have to like what I have to say. You can think it's unnecessary for the next 37847382095783 years. Because honestly? I don't care. I mean that in the nicest way, I promise. I'm going to think and feel a certain way and I'm allowed to express those thoughts and feelings in any way I choose. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not saying anything malicious. Yet, at the same time, you are entitled to think that this blog and what I write in it is uncalled for. That's okay. It makes sense to me why you would think that. However, just because you think that, doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing it. I love writing, that's not going to change. I also understand why we can't be as close as we used to be. It, too, makes sense to me. I do, and will, miss you. We had a lot of good times. You're fun to be around, sweet, and understanding. Things happen, though. People change and move on and grow. It stinks we can't be as close as we used to be, but I'd still be there in a minute if you needed me.

Individual #4, I don't know what you have in store for you, actually. I just pray that even though we've gone through a lot of ups and downs these past few years, we stay close when we go to college. This is probably the goodbye I'm dreading the most.

Oh, and "Individual #32?" I didn't know you cared enough to read what I have to say; thank you so much. And I mean that sincerely.