Change

"So, we've been outnumbered, raided, and now, cornered. It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair. We're getting stronger now, from things they never found. They might be bigger, but we're faster and never scared. You can walk away and say we don't need this, but there's something in your eyes that says we can beat this. 'Cause these things will change, can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down. It's a revolution; the time will come for us to finally win. And we'll sing hallelujah." -Taylor Swift

I picked "Change" for a special reason. Not only am I making a lot of changes in my life but I'm going to change it up a little for this blog. Lately, there's been a common "TBH" status game that a lot of people on Facebook are playing. Quite frankly, I think it's a little silly. I love the honesty policy, really I do. I'd rather be told the truth and have it hurt for a little bit than be lied to for essentially all time. But by posting "TBH" as your status, it really doesn't guarantee that the person posting the status will be honest. In fact, I'm willing to bet that six out of ten times it's posted the person just says nice things that will make the other person feel good about themselves. Actually, when I think about it the person that posts it MIGHT want to make themselves feel better by posting all these nice things to other people. Basically like "See how nice I am, everyone?!" And then the likers of the status feel good because 60% of the time they get to show everyone "Look how loved I am!" NOW. I've liked a "TBH" status before. So I'm not, by any means, saying I'm above this. I couldn't tell you my motives when liking these statuses. I can't sit here and preach about how I liked them because I just wanted to know what so-and-so "honestly" thought of me. I wouldn't be being honest to myself, on that one. However, tonight I am going to do an actual "To Be Honest Blog Post" and be completely honest to people of my choosing in as few words as possible. Not for any specific reason, I swear. Just because I think there are people I owe the truth to. And here's my twist. This week, if you guess the person that you think is you, I might actually let you know if you're right. I think this is a little weird; it feels like a carnival game. Can you picture it? "Guess the number right, and I'll tell you what I think of you!" But in my mind, what good is the truth if you can't actually tell it to someone?

Person #1: I miss you. Like crazy. I miss our friendship and all its former glory. I would give anything to take the fight back. Rewind. Pause. Perfect. That's us.

Person #2: We met so..randomly. Like I totally wasn't expecting to actually get along with you. If we're being honest, which we are, I was so jealous of you in the beginning. And then we had that talk and I instantly warmed up to you. And I'm still loving our talks to this day. Lets keep having them, please!

Person #3: You're helping me become a better person all the time. I could never thank you enough for everything you've done for me. Never leave my side and never give up on me.

Person #4: Thank you for telling me the truth. It hurt, but thanks.

Person #5: Thank you for listening to my stories and rants and putting up with my moods this year. You are one of a kind and don't let anyone get you down or convince you otherwise. You are something special. You're so kind and understanding and you're a strong girl. Don't ever change who you are.

Person #6: I hate that we don't see each other often. Truthfully, I hate that you cancel on me sometimes. I understand that things come up, but it gets frustrating. I truly do enjoy talking to you, I wish it happened more often. You, too, are incredibly strong in my eyes.

Person #7: We see things in a very similar way, though I don't always like or agree with the things you do or say. You're sillier than I am, that helps me sometimes. You're kind of like a big brother to me, actually. I also think that you really try to do the best you can. You know what I mean? Like, you make decisions that you think are right. I can't explain the thought in my head. You just try to be the best "you" there is. I'll explain if you guess this right, I guess. *sigh*

Person #8: Don't ever think you're not worth it. You are one of the best people I've ever known. And even though our friendship has been sort of "blah" lately and filled with just...crap; I will never hate you. I will never forget you and who you are/were to me. Don't change, you're the one thing I count on to always be there.

Person #9: I feel so bad for you. I think that whatever fuels your..personality traits is very sad and rooted very  deep. As utterly stupid as it sounds, I think you hurt a lot more than you would ever let on. I don't like being around you and we just don't get along, but I would NEVER want you to hurt like I suspect you do. I don't think any of us can help you though, I think you have to help yourself. I think you have to build yourself back up. Its so weird admitting this after everything..

Person #10: I hope one day you realize that you are loved.

I can't say that I feel glad I made other people feel good or bad or anything at all. I will admit that some of the things I said aren't nice and some of them are. They are the truth. Here is another truth: I love writing. I love all kinds of writing; even writing papers for classes. This blog is one thing that I don't care if people think is silly or stupid. Or if they read and laugh at my take on life. That's okay. I love writing and I love trying to figure people out, and this is the best way I know how. And TBH, I hope you love reading it half as much as I love writing it.